At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ugly people sure do ruin things
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize