There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
