i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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