Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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