i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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