how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
