never play flip cup with pint glasses
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
