Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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