I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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