this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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