When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
