When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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