before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
