thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
