Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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