No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
