So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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