Duck Duck Cougar?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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