weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
