She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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