in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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