even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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