I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
