hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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