"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
