sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
