Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
