he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
