K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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