random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
