i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
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