i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
A+ Viking dick
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
