never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
