im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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