That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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