i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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