dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
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I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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