Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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