Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
