We're facebook friends in real life
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's rum buckets o'clock
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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