did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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