I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
