DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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