the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
