Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
