Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
