1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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