shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my being single is dangerous.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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