wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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