I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize