no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
