i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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