My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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