His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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