how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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