careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
