an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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