Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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