I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I want to be your penis for a week.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
