if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
