There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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