Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
