I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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