i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
my liver is dry heaving
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
