Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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