Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
