Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
