it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
