Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
