Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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