He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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