I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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